What is a Widow?

Being a widow is so many different things.  There are young widows, old widows and everything in between.  Some of these individuals will find love and get married again.  Others will stay single for the rest of their lives.  For me, it's a status....it doesn't define who I am, it makes me a stronger person.

Three years ago today, I became a widow.  It's something I never dreamed would happen.  I had the perfect life with my amazing husband and my sweet little kids.  A routine day at the fire station turned out to be the fire from hell.  That night, I lost my husband and learned what it was to be a "widow."  To this day, every time I hear sirens, I pray that everyone makes it home safely.

I became a widow due to extreme circumstances...it's not everyday that your husband runs into a burning house to try and save the homeowners while risking his own life.  Everyone has their stories....all equally important no matter what the circumstances were.  Bottom line is that we all share a unique bond...we're widows no matter what got us there in the first place. 

For me, this is my definition of a "widow":
You lose your best friend, your kids' Daddy.  You grow as a person.  You learn to do things on your own.  You learn to rely on people.  You learn to ask for help.  You develop new friendships.  You cherish the old friendships that you know will last a lifetime.  You lose yourself and then you find yourself again.  You question things.  You're not angry...you know God has a plan.  You learn that it's OK to cry.  You have good days and you have bad days...you're only human.  You're blessed.  You're grateful for the time you had together.  You reminisce about the past.  You dream about the future.  You learn that the simplest things (songs on the radio, certain restaurants, pictures, etc.) will bring back memories (some good, some bad).  You wear two hats...you play good cop and bad cop.  You eventually date hoping to find Mr. Right.  You love your kids, your friends and your family.  You realize that life goes on...you cherish the memories you made, you never forget the past, you keep memories alive but you learn that it's OK to let go and move on. 

You pray that you're raising your kids the "right" way, teaching them the "right" things, and surrounding them with the love, friends, and encouragement they need to grow up to be amazing little individuals.  Last but not least, you pray that you'll meet an amazing man when the time is right, who will love you and your children like they are his own.

This is what it means to be a widow...

RIP, John....we love you to the moon and back.  There's not a day that goes by that we don't think about you but we know you're in the best hands.  Until we meet again...